Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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