wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
