i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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