he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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