I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
