Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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