I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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