Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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