If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
