Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
