I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
