margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
