hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
