well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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