oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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