I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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