I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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