The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
