he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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