I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
