it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
