Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
