in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
