we have pet lesbian snakes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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