you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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