One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
