There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Found the puke drawer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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