apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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