hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
