if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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