Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
