I met the friendliest cop last night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
