We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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