Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
