OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
