I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
