just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
