dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can I color on your dick again?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize