i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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