He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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