My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
