I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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