I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
