I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i already hear my dad disowning me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
