You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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