Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
