??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
