My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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