at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
