A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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