You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
