He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
