Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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