I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
