I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
