I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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