I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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