I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
