everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just had sex on a roof
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
