but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
