Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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