in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
