She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
