It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
