at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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