I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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