As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
