dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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