Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
