Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
