I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize