I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
