Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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