Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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