Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
