That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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