i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
