He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
