Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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