you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
