idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
