I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize