What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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