I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am available for nakedness
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
