So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize