he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
