I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize