Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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