I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk is not a location!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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