Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize