god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
