if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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