so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
