Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
