A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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