That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
