dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
