I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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