While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
