It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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