i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
