your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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